Probably Wouldn't Be This Way
by Makenziee
Summary: She wakes up every night to the sound of his voice. She always sees him out of the corner of her eye. He is next to her when she looks in the mirror. He always looks so disappointed. He wouldn’t want her this way. He'd want the old Ginny.


Ginny Weasly buttoned up her cloak as she walked the door of her small muggle home.

_Got a date a week from Friday with the preacher's son__  
__Everybody says he's crazy__  
__I'll have to see  
_

It was a dark October afternoon, clouds covered the sky and the wind was blowing the shorter strands of her long red hair in her face.

She walked into the small town and went into the small grocery store. She could see the muggles look at her when she walked past them.

_I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came__  
__I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves  
_

She knew they thought she was crazy, but she didn't care.

Ginny moved into this muggle village just after the war. She had to get away from her world, she couldn't take all the sad sympathetic looks. She moved to get away from them.

And what did she get in return?

Looks that said she was insane.

'Now I know how Luna always felt.'

She laughed slightly to herself at how life seems to turn, earning another look from an older woman down the isle from her.

_I'm probably going on and on__  
__It seems I'm doing more of that these days  
_

Ginny gave a glance to the lady and walked away. She walked out of the store, forgetting why she was ever even in there in the first place, and continued on her way.

That seemed to happen a lot. She forgets things when she thinks to herself about old times with him or what we would be doing right now if he was with her, or even what he would say if he could see her now.

But mostly, she just thinks about him.

_I probably wouldn't be this way__  
__I probably wouldn't hurt so bad__  
__I never pictured every minute without you in it__  
__Oh You left so fast_

_  
_

Ginny could still remember the last time she saw him.

He ran into her bedroom and said he loved her with all his heart and that he never stopped and never will.

He told her to stay there and don't leave.

She just looked at him and asked why. Why couldn't she leave and why was he acting like this?

She looked at him and he looked back. He looked like he was memorizing her, like he would never see her again.

Then her eyes got wide and filled up with tears and she whispered, "It's time, isn't it?"

She looked him in the eyes and he nodded.

She told him he couldn't keep her here, that she was going to fight and he couldn't do anything to stop him.

He told her that if she loved him, she would stay.

"Tell me you love me, Ginny. Just please tell me you love me."

"I love you."

That was the last thing they said to each other.

_Sometimes I see you standing there__  
__Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch__  
__Sometimes I feel that I'm so lucky __  
__To have had the chance to love this much_

She wakes up in nightmares every night to the sound of his voice. She sees him out of the corner of her eye all the time. She sees him next to her when she looks in the mirror.

He always looks so disappointed. This isn't her and she knows it. He wouldn't want her this way. He'd want the old Ginny.

"But the old Ginny went with you," she whispered in the wind.

She looked up and was surprised to see herself almost to where she needed to be. She turned the corner of the dirt path that she could tell was never traveled too often.

_God gave me a moment's grace__  
__'Cause if I'd never seen your face__  
__I probably wouldn't be this way  
_

She walked through the old vine covered gate that creaked when she opened it. She looked over all the graves that have been beaten down over time, some so old that she couldn't see the names or dates.

Finally she came across one that she recognized. Her eyes watered up and she smiled slightly when she read the name stone.

**Harry James Potter ****  
****July 31, 1980- July 2, 1998 ****  
****Savior of the World ****  
****Loved like a son and brother to all  
**

"Hey Harry," Ginny said and sat down right in front of the grave.

"Everyone misses you. I miss you," She sighed and wiped the tears off her face. "Everything's ok with Ron and Hermione. They finally admitted they loved each other. They've been dating since a month after the Last Battle.

Mum and Dad are okay. Although Mum's told me I shouldn't come here and talk to you. She said it's be too hard, and if I'm going to, I should wait awhile. I know she's just trying to do what's best, but I can't live without being near you."

_Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you__  
__Susan says that I should just move on  
_

"Hermione. Hermione told me I should move on and start dating again. 'It's been over a year, Ginny. You can't just float around here like a ghost. You need to move on' she always says. I finally told her to bugger off and then I felt bad. Harry, I can't date anyone else. I can't get over you! You're Harry. I've never loved anyone else. I never will.

"Fleur had a baby girl. She named her Nadine, which means hope. She says she'll be like you, and change the world. She says she can feel it. I can feel it too. I tell little Nadine about you all the time. I tell her of your adventures and your personality. This little girl has your spirit, Harry."

Ginny sat there and ran her hand over the writing.

"These people think I'm crazy, Harry. They stare at me when I walk down the road and kids point and whisper. I don't care though. It doesn't bother me. I know I'm not the same old me and I never will be again. The old me left when you did."

She sighed and whispered, "I wish you were here with me Harry."

Tears started to run down her face.

_You oughta see the way these people look at me__  
__When they see me 'round here talking to this stone  
_

"I miss you so much. You were only 18 Harry. You would be going to auror school or just taking a break. You'd be with me."

"I try to be positive, you know I do. I try to just think that at least I got to love you. At least I had the chance. But Harry, every once and awhile I can't help but think that if I never would have seen you that day on the platform, if you never became Ron's best friend, I would have never fallen in love with you and I would be in so much pain. I feel so guilty thinking that, and I try to get the thought off my mind, because I love you Harry and I would never choose that you were never in my life. Never."

Ginny moved and looked off to Harry's left and saw the graves of Lily Potter and James Potter and smiled. They were finally together. She looked over to his right and saw Sirius Black written on the stone. She smiled wider through her tears.

"Harry, look! You have your family! You finall have what you'vealways wanted; you finally have your family together. You have your family."

_Everybody thinks I've lost my mind__  
__But I just take it day by day  
_

She sat there for a moment and suddenly tears were flowing from her eyes.

"Why didn't you let me come, Harry? I could have protected myself. I heard Ron and Hermione telling Mum that you could have been saved, that you got hit by a death eater on your right, and if someone would have been there, you wouldn't have gotten hit with the stunning curse."

Her voice started getting louder, "I could have saved you. You could still be here instead of being dead! We could be together and have a family! You could be a auror and have a happy life! Why did you tell me stay! Why did you have to save me! I could have taken care of myself!" She yelled and she could hear her voice echo. She was standing now and crying hysterically.

She breathed deeply and sighed.

"Why did you have to be Harry?" She whispered.

"I came to the battle, you know. I waited a long time, and I really wasn't going to go, but I had this feeling like I needed to be there. That you needed me. And you did. I just didn't get there in time," Ginny laughed bitterly to herself, "The one time I listen. Of course it had to be the time I shouldn't have. I know you would be mad at me for this Harry, but if I would have been there earlier, if I just wouldn't have listened to you like would normally, then I could have been there to save you. I can't help but blame myself."

_I probably wouldn't be this way__  
__I probably wouldn't hurt so bad__  
__I never pictured every minute without you in it__  
__Oh You left so fast  
_

"I never thought you would actually leave. I never prepared myself for this blow. I thought you were always going to be here. That you would come back to the house with a huge smile on your face, knowing you were finally free form your destiny. That now you would get to choose your own path.

"You were there Harry. Right before you left, I kissed you and you were there. I felt you. You were gone 8 hours later. You couldn't have left that fast, Harry. It's not possible. That's what I thought when I saw you lying on the dirt. That I just saw you, just kissed you. You couldn't be gone.

"But you were. Your green eyes were open but the sparkle was gone. They were haunting hallow. There was blood dripping from your scar and you had cuts all over your face and arms."

Ginny coughed on her tears shook her head.

"The picture never leaves my nightmares. I couldn't believe that you were gone. I grabbed onto you and wouldn't let go. I was crying and yelling. Saying things like 'This isn't funny Harry' and 'this can't be true'. Ron finally picked me up and carried me off. I kicked him and hit him telling him to let me go. That I need to help you. That you were hurt and you needed help.

"Harry, the look on his face was horrible. He looked so pale and sad confused. He didn't want to believe it either, but he couldn't deny what was in front of his eyes. I could.

"Hermione. I couldn't see her, Harry, but I could hear her. Her sobs are in my nightmares too."

Ginny stood up and looked around.

"I'm sure your happy here Harry, it's a beautiful place. I miss you with all my being. I will never leave you and I know you'll never leave me too. I can feel you Harry, I know you're always there. You never could keep secrets from me. Don't think you can now just because you're not here," She said, smiling though her tears.

_Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son__  
__Everybody says I'm crazy__  
__Guess I'll have to see  
_

She wiped her face and cleared her throat. She looked down at him again and sighed.

"Never leave me Harry. I couldn't live without you here with me."

She knelt down and kissed the stone.

"I'll never stop loving you Harry. Never."

Ginny stood up straight and turned around. She walked down the path and placed her hand on the gate door to open it when she heard a rustle of leaves and what sounded like footsteps. She stopped and turned her head.

She looked over across the field and saw nothing. No people, only the stones. She looked over the land one more time, the final blow of a soft breeze blowing in her hair, and turned her head back towards the gate.

As she was pushing the gate open, the wind blew suddenly again and she heard Harry's voice whisper, "I love you Ginny Weasly," in her ear and she felt his breath on her face.

She put her hand on her cheek and turned quickly back to his grave.

No one was there.

She smiled and felt the familiar flutter in her stomach that only he could give her. She gave one last look at Harry's resting place and walked out the gate and back on the path to her home.

----------------------

A/N: Hope you all like it! The song is Probably Wouldn't Be This Way by Leanne Rimes. Oh, and this was written before DH.


End file.
